I'll Always Love You the Most
by LifeLineHeartLine
Summary: Brittana. One-shot. Based off of 4x18. "And then it hits you. This could be the moment where you die."


You're in the bathroom when you hear the first gunshot go off. At first you're not entirely sure what that was, but when you hear the second shot, you know exactly what's happening. Your first instinct is to run straight to the choir room, the place that has been a safe-haven for you since sophomore year. But doing so could possibly put you in the line of fire. Your second option is closing the bathroom door and hiding in one of the stalls on top of the toilet seat.

You choose the latter.

You grab your phone off the bathroom sink and go to close the bathroom door as quietly as you can so as not to make your presence known. You quickly walk into the middle stall, lock the door, and step onto the toilet. For a couple of seconds you just stand there, not really grasping onto the reality of the situation. And then it hits you.

This could be the moment where you die.

The shooter could just walk into the bathroom, kick open every stall, and shoot you.

You gasp, trying to hold back a sob. The tears are already making their way down your face and you know there's no stopping them. You're remembering all the things you've never said to the people that need to hear them. You think about calling Sam, to tell him where you are and that you're okay for the moment. And although know you don't _love_ Sam, you also know that he's a good guy and you care about him. But you don't know if his phone is on silent or where he is and you decide that calling him right now is too risky.

And then you think about Santana.

You think about how beautiful she is, her adorable laugh, and the way she lights up when you smile at her.

You need to talk to her.

You need to tell her the truth.

You love her. You always have. You always will. It's inevitable. And it simply comes down to the fact that you're _Brittany _and she's _Santana, _and that's all the explanation that's needed.

You take out your phone, shakily dialing the number you know by heart and put it up to your ear, hearing it ring. You hope to God she isn't working right now.

When she picks up she doesn't say anything for a few seconds and then,

"_Brittany?"_

You try to hold back your sobs but you can't. You haven't heard her voice in so long, and this could possibly be the last time you might ever hear it, and knowing that hurts. Knowing that there's a chance that the two of you will never get the happily ever after you were always so damn _sure _was going to happen hurts. Knowing that you could be taken away at any given moment hurts. Your sobs grow a little louder.

She speaks quietly, as though she's trying not to frighten you,

"_Brittany, hey, what's wrong? Stop crying Britt. Just breathe, baby."_

Hearing her call you baby just makes you cry even harder, but eventually you pull yourself together enough to speak in a choked out whisper,

"_San, I'm sorry. I love you so much, Santana. You have to know that."_

You hear her take in a shaky breath,

"_I love you too, Britt-Britt. You know that. I'll always love you the most - remember? But sweetie, what's going on? Why are you crying?" _

You hear running footsteps outside of the bathroom door and suck in a sharp breath, not breathing for several long moments.

Santana notices.

"_Brittany, seriously, what's going on? You're really starting to freak me out."_

In the smallest voice you think you've ever spoken with, you tell her,

"_There's someone with a gun in the school. I'm so scared, San."_

You hear her breath hitch and then a sniffle – you know she's crying because she's terrified of the same things you are.

"_Where are you? Please, tell me you're somewhere safe." _

You hesitate. You don't want to tell her you don't think you're safe at all because you don't want to scare her anymore than she already is, but you know that if you lie, she'll know you're lying. She can read you better than anyone else.

You hope that this will be the one time she can't tell you're lying. You're about to tell her you've locked yourself in a storage closet when she abruptly speaks,

"_Britt-Britt, don't even think about lying to me. I need to know if you're safe or not. Please, just tell me where you are."_

You hesitate again but finally say,

"_I'm on a toilet in a stall in the first floor bathroom near Coach Sylvester's office. The gun sounded really close when it went off." _

She starts crying audibly. You can feel you're heart breaking because you know she's so _scared _of the fact that she might lose you for good.

And you suddenly feel so _stupid. _And not the kind of academically stupid you used to feel, it's the kind where you realize something you knew all along and you're kind of just like _goddamnit why didn't I realize this sooner? _

You don't why you ever let her break up with you in the first place. You know she did it so you could be with someone who was with you physically, but what she didn't know was that you didn't care about the distance, the only thing that mattered to you was that you loved her and she loved you and she is the only person who can make you truly happy whether you're right next to each other or two thousand miles away.

You've wasted so much time not being together. And you regret that more than anything.

You get pulled back into the conversation when you hear her sniffle again and then choke out,

"_Oh God, Britt. Please, be okay. Please, don't leave me. I need you. I love you so much. Just stay where you are and don't make any noise." _

Her pleas and begs are breaking you more than the possibility of you dying is. You answer her,

"_Okay. I love you too, San. But if anything happens to me, just know that-"_

"_No. Nothing is going to happen to you. Just stay where you are and stay quiet and you'll be fine." _

"_But, San-"_

"_No, Britt-"_

"_San, please, just listen to me."_

"_Okay."_

You take in a deep breath,

"_When I say I love you, I mean it. I mean it with every fiber of my being. And Sam, Sam is nice and funny and he's caring and I care about him, I do. But I have never and will never feel for him what I feel for you. You are the love of my life, Santana. And I know you feel that I chose him over you, but I didn't. I chose you over us. Because I knew that if you took that position Coach offered you, and you didn't go to New York, you would have eventually resented me. And-"_

"_Britt, that's not-"_

"_Let me finish. I know you would have eventually resented me. I know it. And I know you know that, too. And I know you'll deny it but I also know that you resent me for being held back. And I understand that. We had plans, Santana. And I ruined them. And I'm sorry for that. But just know that whatever happens, you're always going to be it for me. Always."_

By this point you have tears rapidly streaming down your face, but you don't care. You hardly even feel them. You just want to know if she _gets _it. And you know she does when she's about to respond.

But then the door to the bathroom opens. And it creaks so very loud, like in those horror movies a younger Santana always made you watch, so you'd get scared and she could have an excuse to cuddle with you all night.

Santana hears it, too.

She stops breathing, and then says,

"_Do not move, Brittany. I'm right here, okay? Just don't move."_

You can tell how terrified she is by the way her voice is shaking.

You're terrified, too.

You can feel it in your bones.

This is it.

You whisper so quietly, you're not even sure you said anything at all.

But you know she heard you when you hear back a barely there,

"_I love you, too."_

You hear footsteps coming closer, getting louder.

You can hear your heart pounding in your ears.

You're not even breathing.

And then,

"Brittany?"

You feel as if you could break down right there. You're so relieved; you didn't know it was possible to feel like this.

You step down from the toilet and quickly unlocking and exiting the stall, running into Mr. Schuester's arms.

Santana, not knowing what the hell is going on, starts freaking out,

"_Brittany? Brittany, what's going on? Are you okay? Oh god, baby. Please answer me. Brittany, please."_

When you hear her you answer immediately,

"_I'm fine, San. It was just Mr. Schue coming to get me. I'm okay. We're okay."_

She sniffs back her remaining tears.

"_Oh, thank God. Ay Dios Mio, Britt. You got me so scared. I love you, Britt-Britt. So much. Never forget that. Call me as soon as you get home so I know you're alright and we can talk more. Te amo."_

"_I will, San. I'll call as soon as I get home. I love you, too."_


End file.
